a little slow...
i dont mean slow in the speed sense of the term. i mean it doesnt seem to have enough going on, especially with the sense of intensity that the title implies. you might like to add a little more percussion in, well, everywhere except the vocal parts, and in genereal make it a little more exciting. try subdividing the quarters into something like trilled sixteenths, or even 32nds if you feel compelled to. i think if you experimented with those ideas, you could have a masterpeice on your hands.
sincerely,
your fellow musician